It is only natural that, after weeks of being together in close quarters, we begin to get on each other’s nerves. No one is perfect and without the usual places to go for a break, it may be difficult to maintain patience and understanding.
As parents, you may find that some of your children’s behaviors are starting to press your buttons… grate on your nerves… drive you crazy! These thoughts put a spotlight on them in your mind. You will pay attention to what is bothering you. In turn, you may accidentally start to pay off the negative. You may feed the monster!
If you find you are running out of patience, please remember to “put on your oxygen mask first.” Carve out a small bit of time for you to step outside and take some deep breaths, exercise, take a bath, read a chapter, whatever will calm you.
Once calm, try to practice reframing.
Reframing is very effective when it comes to shifting our thinking, and it helps us move away from anger before we wind up yelling, name calling, or labeling a child. It’s important to try to avoid these types of negative reactions for many reasons, but especially because they tend to create a self-fulfilling prophecy. If we continually call a child stubborn, we will raise a stubborn child. If we call him/her determined and persistent, we will raise someone who can change the world!
WHAT WE SAY TO OUR CHILDREN BECOMES THEIR SELF-TALK. So think how you can reframe your child’s worst traits and try to think of them as your child’s greatest strengths. What are the good aspects of the trait? How might it benefit them in adulthood?
Below is part of a list of words that reframe negative labels by Debra Wallace, LMFT:
Bossy—natural leader
Defiant—has strong beliefs, courageous
Dramatic—emotionally aware, expressive
Fearful—thoughtful, careful
Fussy—discerning tastes and needs
Goofy—joyful, entertaining
Lazy—overcome by expectations, needs guidance
Loud—exuberant, confident
Messy—practicing skills, learning
Nosey--curious, inquisitive
Unfocused—abstract thinker
Sensitive—intuitive, cares deeply
Shy—inner directed, values trust
Talkative—good communicator
Timid—careful
Photo by Senjuti Kundu on Unsplash